I've been working on a piece about advancing in your career, one that I have been stuck rewriting endlessly. I started writing to combat my perfectionism, a habit that seemed to help me excel, but now hinders me. The fear of imperfection often holds me back from sharing my thoughts fully or taking certain actions. Ironically, I don’t expect perfection from anyone, I know it’s not possible. And yet, I expect it of myself.
Whenever I get in this mode, I get into a reflective mode. Nostalgia isn't always the best approach, but it does help me. When I was first navigating the web, I went through the realms of Geocities, Blogger and LiveJournal. I learned from strangers sharing their lives and interests. I loved having a personal space online to share freely, going through the dramas of school and figuring out my aspirations.
I want to recreate that here. A weekly look at what is going on in my life and in my brain.
Reading
Finishing Preparing for War sent me down another hyper-fixation hole. The book's portrayal of Christian nationalists reminded me of the satanic panic from my middle school days. I was navigating adolescence and wanted to hide. My wardrobe became baggy, unrevealing, clothes traditionally worn by boys. This caused quite a stir, resulting in my parents getting called into the principal's office because of the “distraction” I was causing. The distraction being visibly different, potentially a lesbian–cue the shock and horror. It didn’t matter if I had good grades or kept to myself. Being visibly outside of the norm was enough to trigger arbitrary rules–no stationary with the Care Bears (seen as the “devil”) and no stacked bracelets (a bizarre adult scare story circulated on the evening new). It's not about concern or care, nor is it about upholding Christian values; it's solely about exerting control.
Watching
I have been craving a 90s-00s romantic comedy. Something light, with a good mix of romantic moments and comedic misunderstandings. Modern romantic comedies seem more interested in capturing the essence of our current era rather than the timeless charm of romance itself. You’ve Got Mail but none of the fantastical charm. If you have any suggestions, feel free to share. I've chosen to remain within the confines of a nostalgic era instead.
I watched Only You, which had electrifying chemistry between Marisa Tomei and Robert Downey Jr. Two delusional people coming together in a fanfiction-like plot, simply delicious. Greedy for more, I watched Miami Rhapsody solely based its poster. A witty (?) examination of the charm (??) of infidelity in marriage; it’s only redeeming quality was Sarah Jessica Parker’s wardrobe.
Listening
Marvin Gaye’s What’s Going On. I bought this vinyl in Canberra, but never got a chance to try it out until the blistering weather kept me indoors this weekend. I love a concept album. Give me a narrative, some dramatic strings and I’m set.
Eating
I’m venturing into salt-preserving. Honestly, I ran out of vinegar and needed a plan for a large batch of nectarines. This summer's crop has been unbelievably sweet, tempting me to grab three or four more every time I pass the store. But like any fixation, I quickly grew bored of them and left with a fridge full of fruit. Salting brings out the sweetness of the fruit apparently, creating a striking contrast between sugar and saline. But the process requires patience from me; almost a week of fermentation, then further curing in the fridge.